I just want to be a man, mommy!

The other day as I was cleaning, and watching the news, Ethan Jr plopped down on the couch and sighed loudly. "I just want to be a man, Mommy." He is so funny. So I have been thinking a lot about my growing little boy.

Ethan Jr was a very quiet baby. I remember worrying that he didn't babble, that he was perfectly content to sit or lay on the floor and watch everyone around him. He has always been very sweet, and little personality quirks started appearing rather early. He waited a while to walk, and then within one week of turning one year old he started walking, stopped nursing, and started putting words together in phrases. I remember being so sad that all of a sudden he wanted to grow up, and did. Within a few months, he began holding the door open for me whenever he was big enough to. And if he couldn't, or some one else beat him to it, he would be very upset. (Rebekah resented this sometimes, because she could open her own door just the same as her brother, thank you very much!)



I don't remember him crying very much, except for the night we moved into our Redding, CA apartment. He was about 16 months old and after a few days of traveling and hotels had had enough. He decided to scream, and nothing would console him, but we had to empty out the last of our things so we could feed and tuck in the kids. It took him a little while to calm down, even after I just held him and snuggled him. The new neighbors were so disturbed by his crying, they came upstairs and asked if everything was ok, with the tone of voice that seemed more like "what are you doing to torture the kid?" Their youngest was 10. They had already forgotten how it is with little ones.

Ethan loves blocks and Legos, and even though he likes to be as self-sufficient as possible, he has always been a little nervous to leave me, and so sweet and gentle. And then he turned four.


Bethany has always been really good. Even as a toddler, she looked in the cupboards once as if to say, "oh, that's what's in there" and then never did it again. She didn't really climb a lot on furniture. Of course she is our "guinea pig" as we joke in the family when she complains about being the oldest. Rebekah is a firecracker. Bekah was climbing to the tops of the cabinets by 18 months, getting at anything no matter how well hidden. Chocolate, look out. Where Bethany (until recently) would listen fairly well, and think things out in the process, Bekah likes to be in TOTAL charge of herself. If she doesn't want to, she won't. If she wants to, she will. Somehow, when you're not looking. Whatever "it" is, she has always been at "it" and 100 miles an hour. Ethan Jr, only 19 months younger, often went along for the ride. Two peas in a pod, two partners in crime, take your pick. And then he turned four.

The best way to describe the change my little Ethan-son (as opposed to Ethan-Daddy, for Ethan Sr) went though would be to put on an Animal Planet show about Gorillas, or others in the Ape family. Or any program about males of the species vying for "alpha-male" recognition. He became a little tyrant, constantly doing his own thing, wanting "the sisters" as he calls them, to bow to his wishes and play what he wanted, or watch what he wanted. If they were disinclined to acquiesce to his request, he would react dominantly, and send them screaming, which was a thrill for him. He discovered that he could make them scream and run and angry and upset, and very easily. Time for a bath? Why not dump cold water on them. Bethany reading a book - why not steal it and hide it. Mommy has a new treat for family night? Poke fingers in it, get Bekah to help, and let her take the full blame. Time to change clothes? Why not get naked, swing the dirty underpants in a circle over your head and chase the girls screaming around the house? He even hides their toys IN HIS PANTS to get the horrified "EWWW" factor when they realize it. It is hard to keep a straight face and teach him boundaries.



And his interactions with his dad became almost like teenage rebellion. He would set his jaw, and say no, stomp his foot, or roll his eyes. If he had been a gorilla Ethan Sr would have already had to kick him out of the group. Now the aggressive energy was new, but his frustrations were not. By then we lived in Olympia, WA. His fourth home in four years. Soon after the move I got pneumonia, and then when I fully recovered from that several months later, I became pregnant with Aedan and miserably sick. Two weeks before his birth we found out about our move to Elk Grove, CA, and I worried of all the changing would be too much for my family, especially Little Ethan (we can't call him that anymore, because he pointed out he is a BIG brother not a LITTLE Ethan). He tested the waters constantly, even with Grandma when she came to help out the day Aedan was born!



I knew that having a consistent routine would be essential to helping him adjust. New baby, new house, new church and friends, Bekah starting school for a full day. He relishes riding his bike 3-4 times a week to get "the sisters" at school (round trip that is 2.5 miles) He wants to be a big helper, but he hates to pick up after himself. He'll feed and water the dog, give treats to the bird, even pick up after the dog on walks, but he HATES putting away his clothes. He has gotten very good at getting his sisters to do those things for him.

He is adjusting pretty well, now. The aggression is still there, but he is finally being a bit more respectful. (Ethan Sr and I have had a few brain-storming sessions to figure out what to do with him!) At the library the other day he actually got a compliment from the police woman on duty, for listening and coming right to me when I called him back as he was running, full-speed, to the kid's section.

He knows how to be good. (You can tell by the way he smiles if he knows he's being naughty) He also knows just what to say to bug people. I taught his primary class a few weeks ago and he announced in front of the whole class "you don't teach so good, Mommy." I found out later that the other teachers had been sending him out for time outs with the Primary Presidency. He knew I wouldn't do that. By the second time I taught, he seemed resigned to his fate.

He says the sweetest things in his prayers. He prays for Jesus to have a good day. He also prays that his sisters will be nice to him (and if they're within earshot he throws in something like "bless Bethany to not be naughty" or something else to rile them up).


A couple of weeks ago, a friend and neighbor invited us to his daughter's baptism. It was a Saturday, Ethan was at a different location for work and I wouldn't be able to get the car. So we decided to walk the 1.25 miles to the church, but we left a little late and ended up running. So there we were, in our church clothes but with sneakers on, us girls running, Aedan in the stroller, and Ethan in his little suit and a helmet on a bike. We ran almost the whole way, in dresses, but Ethan had a blast. He was very thoughtful when he said, "Mommy, I'm going to do this everyday, someday when I grow up."

"What do you mean, Ethan?" I hadn't caught on. "Ride your bike to church?"


"You know, Mommy - when I'm a missionary!" I was so pleased. Sometimes he seems so grown up. Five minutes later, sitting in the chapel, listening to talks about baptism and the Holy Ghost, Bethany accidentally bumped Ethan with her elbow. In a flash, he turned and punched her in the face. Good thing we've got a few years before he leaves on that mission!